Garden Swings and Under things
by bloodypleasure
Summary: Shinya and Toshiya Dir en Grey. some times your secrets become not so secret


** Garden swings and Underthings**

The door to the room slammed open, the music that had been blasting through the amps mixed in with the cords and equipment died down. The woman had a dark blue dress and white shrug. Looking around quickly the woman bee-lined for Shinya.

"You! What the hell is wrong with you?" Shinya got up as he sighed and straightened the bottom hem of his shirt. "What have you got to say?" the woman pushed at Shinya as Shinya grabbed her shoulders to keep her from damaging the nearby equipment.

"Jinnah." Shinya held her shoulders tighter as she fought, her long straight black hair bouncing. Nearby the rest of the band quickly left their positions to help before Shinya shook his head. "Please calm down; you're going to hurt yourself." The woman paused and took a deep breath. Shinya dropped his arms and the tension in the room seemed to decrease as he ran a hand through his hair. "Now-" Shinya started before stopping abruptly. The sound of skin hitting skin resounded in the now silent room. Die and Kaoru rushed to hold the woman's arms as Shinya stared at her with slightly wide eyes. Toshiya stepped slightly in front of Shinya as Kyo went to get help. The woman's stared at Shinya before Glancing to Toshiya, before quickly glaring.

"You." The woman's voice was slow calculated scorn and malice. "Did it feel good?" she didn't notice as Shinya gently took Die's and Kaoru's hands off her arms.

"Stop." Shinya's voice was slow, and she quickly walked to Toshiya as the bassist backed away confused. "Jinnah. Stop." Shinya's voice was uncharacteristically stern though unnoticed by Jinnah. Toshiya was backed against the wall.

"He was _fine_ before you! Fine! I bet it was great for you!" Jinnah angrily at him, her dark eyes coals in her fury. "Did you _fuck_ him!?" Jinnah swung her left arm to pound against Toshiya's chest, her nails of her right hand clawing at his face, one nail drawing blood. "And he would let you because he loves you, so go _fuck_ him!" Jinnah's voice turned to a shrill shriek as Shinya in one fell swoop grabbed her arm hitting Toshiya who was in shock and swung Jinnah over his shoulder as she turned her furied gaze to Shinya and hit at him. "Don't you dare!" Jinnah screamed as the door to the room closed behind them closing on the scene of Kyo and three security guards staring at them in amazement.

"He loves you." Kaoru breathed as Die shushed him as Kyo came in minus the security guards. As Shinya set Jinnah down in the hall Kyo related where Shinya had told him he was going. Jinnah straightened her clothes in a small fit.

"Shinya! Why can't you just do what people want you to?! Do you have to be so damn difficult?!" Jinnah shoved at Shinya again as Shinya sighed.

"Jinnah you're too loud, they'll hear you." Shinya spoke in slightly angry tones.

"Let them hear! Engaged! You did _this_! And _engaged_!" Jinnah shouted louder as the band inside the room looked at the door, slightly hearing her yelling.

"I was _not_ engaged Jinnah! _When_ will you get that through your head? It was a _cover_!" Shinya finally shouted. "_True_ I love a man, true he won't love me back, true the family won't have me now." Shinya took a breath to calm down as Toshiya opened the door quietly and the band came out. "This band is more important to me than a family who just wants to use me."

"And what do you think _they're_ doing you naive idiot?" Jinnah yelled back. "As soon as you stop that horrible drumming they'll leave you _too_!" Jinnah pushed hard at Shinya who hadn't expected it. Catching him Toshiya waved the other members back in the room.

"Die, go call a taxi." Toshiya was calm, strange for Toshiya, who was always nervously moving, feeling more at ease when he was in movement. "Shinya are you okay?" Toshiya asked as Kaoru caught Jinnah's eyes and held it in an angered glare.

"We are not using him, we never will. This is his job. And as far as I'm concerned as long as I'm leader Shinya will have a part in the band, making the songs, drumming, piano, a damn _triangle_ if I must." Kaoru took a step closer "You take that cab back home and leave the band alone. Talk to Shinya later, out of public." Shinya stood on his own and rolled his shoulder.

"No. _Don't_ talk to me. Don't _contact_ me. And tell the family to do the same." Shinya's voice was hard as Jinnah stared at him.

"Shin-" Jinnah started before Shinya waved her off. "Shinya you can't possibly be choosing _that_ ove-" Jinnah stopped in shock as Shinya pulled Toshiya down and kissed him. Kaoru and Kyo stared in the same amount of shock. Shinya turned to Jinnah turning from Toshiya who was still from shock, Shinya's agitation was palpable. He glared at Jinnah who took a breath and turned sharply to leave. Shinya sighed and let go of Toshiya's shirt and gently pushed past the others to enter the practice room and fished out a package of cigarettes out of Die's coat pocket. Placing one in his mouth, he lit it with a shaking hand; Shinya took a deep breath and sighed again.

"Shinya you don't smoke, remember?" Die asked as he hung up his cell phone and Shinya nodded slowly as he walked to his drums and sat down. "Temple as a body?"

"Welcome to the theme park, have a nice ride." Shinya bit out as he noticed Toshiya open the door and walk to him as Kaoru waved Die out. Shinya bent down to grab his drumsticks and set them away properly as Toshiya paused next to him. "Get the yelling over with."

"I'm not going to yell at you Shin." Toshiya replied softly without pausing throwing Shinya off and dispelling his anger. "How many things do you keep from us Shinya? Even after working together for so long?" Toshiya asked. As Shinya sighed Toshiya bent and took the cigarette and took a drag off it. His dark eyes watched the smoke rise.

"Why would I tell anyone my private life? Not even my family really knows me." Shinya clarified as he sighed. "If this makes you uncomfortable I'll quit the band." Shinya offered and Toshiya scoffed. Toshiya offered the cigarette back but Shinya shook his head.

"Try it out with me then." Toshiya took a drag on the cigarette as he looked at the ground, missing Shinya's wide eyes turn to him. "Why not?" Shinya's surprise turned to anger.

"Because I don't date like that." Shinya ground out rising slightly with his voice. "I don't _date_ on the off chance the one I date will _perhaps_ love me back." Shinya frowned as his brows gathered and Toshiya watched the stoic and always professional Shinya get riled at the calm offer from him. "And neither should you." Shinya turned and went to walk out past Toshiya and Toshiya sighed imperceptibly, grabbing Shinya's arm as he walked past and used his angry momentum to swing Shinya into the wall and used his larger frame to pin Shinya there. Toshiya's hands were placed on each side of Shinya's head and his body in a strong stance, staring into his face. Shinya didn't push Toshiya away, though he could have. Instead he stood glaring at Toshiya what stared at him. "What are you doing?" Toshiya's usual frown deepened slightly before he spoke.

"I don't know." Toshiya brought his face closer to Shinya, barely four inches apart. Shinya stared back into Toshiya's eyes, darker than his Shinya always found Toshiya's eyes hard to read. Shinya slowly could feel his face redden as He was unable to break eye contact with Toshiya. "Come to my place on Friday." Toshiya broke the eye-contact to lean back from Shinya and back away. "Around nine." Toshiya turned and, sticking the halfway burnt cigarette against another cigarette from his own pack and sticking the old one in an ash tray near Kyo's mike. Shinya couldn't take more than shallow breaths until the door shut behind Toshiya. Shinya held a hand against his ribcage, which was pounding rapidly.

Shinya yawned and stretched before looking at the clock. It read almost noon. Kaoru had, in the light of the incident yesterday, had given Shinya some time off to gather himself. Shinya was grateful for the time off, even if it was only two days. Shinya yawned and stretched on his bed, the dark sheets slipping lower on his body. Miyu yawned next to Shinya, getting up to stretch and lick at Shinya's arm before hopping down and running out of the room. Shinya stood and sniffed again. Realizing today was important; Shinya sighed then walked to the shower.

Toshiya woke in a sweat, the dream he had been tortured with melding to the back of his mind. Sighing and moving to the side of his bed before turning the clock on his nightstand to face him. Seven thirty in the morning. Toshiya sighed in discomfort as he stood, walking to the shower. As the hot water wound against his body, Toshiya sighed in relief washing himself gently. Then as he lay on his bed, still damp from the shower wearing only a towel Toshiya curled slightly on his bed and fell back into a fitful sleep.

Shinya groaned slightly as he tried to move. "Ah it hurts." Shinya groaned running his hands down his body. "Next time I'm dropping some bags off in the car." Shinya stretched his arms before walking to the kitchen of his apartment, usually spotless, was full of at least fifteen bags. Shinya glanced at the clock before smiling. He had four hours before he had to head to Toshiya's. Shinya paused as he put away what he bought today. He didn't know where Toshiya lived. Quickly grabbing a pen paper and his phone Shinya dialed Toshiya's number.

"Hello?" Toshiya's rough voice came through the phone. "Who is this?" Shinya cleared his throat. And he clicked the pen in his hand, slightly nervous.

"It's me Toshi." Shinya scratched at his nose trying to sound calmer.

"Shin, stop clicking your pen you'll freak out Miyu, and I'll pick you up." Toshiya yawned slightly. Shinya slowly put his pen down with a small frown. "Have you eaten?" Toshiya asked as he stirred his coffee creamer into his coffee. "I think I just broke my stove." Toshiya kicked his stove lightly as Shinya fought back a laugh. Shinya looked around his kitchen.

"No I'm still cleaning up from shopping a couple minutes ago. Why do you ask?" Shinya picked up a bag and set the items away as Toshiya chuckled.

"Can I use your stove? I won't use your food, and I'll clean up." Toshiya asked, Shinya paused, looking over his apartment. "Shinya?" Toshiya asked. Shinya cleared his throat again.

"Yeah, no don't worry about getting your own food, use whatever you want here." Shinya groaned a he dropped a fifteen pound bag of dog food on his foot. "Sweet kami oh that hurts." Shinya moaned in pain causing Toshiya to raise an eyebrow before Shinya realized he had forgotten to hang up. "Well, come over at any time. I have to finish putting my things away; do you know when you'll be over?" Shinya asked. Toshiya bit his lip slightly thinking.

"Probably within the hour. If that's okay with you." Toshiya asked and Shinya confirmed before hanging up. Shinya quickly rushed to put away what the groceries, and then rushed to clean and put away anything embarrassing in his apartment. As he rushed about Miyu followed barking replies Shinya's agitated mutterings.

"He's coming here Miyu." Shinya stopped and bit his lip. "Should I change?" Shinya looked down at his clothes critically. His light dark grey cotton shirt, though meant for girls, looked attractive on him. But Shinya couldn't get out of his head that the label was for women. Shinya quickly changed into more manly clothes, over-aware about himself ever since Jinnah had barged into practice and made him unsure about himself. Redressing into a plain white t-shirt and jeans Shinya almost did a turn for Miyu before realizing it was a crazy thing to do. Shinya brushed out his hair and then as Miyu watched him, he picked her up and carried her into the living room. Near the glass coffee table was a wicker basket filled with grooming tools for Miyu. Shinya set about dolling Miyu up. The doorbell rang as Shinya finished clipping Miyu's nails, and as Miyu followed Shinya silently, nails no longer clicking, Shinya smiled. The smile quickly died as he opened the door to see Jinnah looking rather forlorn.

"Please, just let me in." Jinnah pleaded and Shinya sighed, though he knew he was going to regret it he opened the door for Jinnah. As Shinya closed the door he couldn't help but think he'd rather Toshiya had been at the door instead of his family.

"Say what you came for then leave." Shinya was cold; though a small part in him was grieving he had to be Shinya knew this wasn't a diplomatic call. Jinnah's forlorn face hardened.

"I'll let you go if you just date women. I don't care who it is." Jinnah's voice was flat from emotionlessness. "I won't have you _shaming_ the family." Shinya felt like grinding his teeth. Another knock at the door and Jinnah smirked as the knock came with an introduction as Shinya's landlord. "And I can get you homeless." Jinnah smiled in a cold kind of way.

"No." Shinya could feel a sense of numbness as his previously beloved little sister glared at him in hate. "You pathetic little girl. Jinnah you need to leave me alone." A slap to his face in the same area as before, Shinya saw it coming but couldn't bring himself to stop it from hitting.

"You better get ready to be disowned." Jinnah spat at him slamming the door on her fuming way out. The man in the doorway backed away with a confused look.

" …will this become an issue?" The shorter man asked and Shinya sighed as he looked at the man. Rubbing his neck Shinya could only offer a small smile.

"If I knew I would tell you Sir." Shinya replied honestly as the man sighed.

"Shinya?" Shinya sighed as Toshiya's tall form was soon peeking over the stairs at the top of the hallway. "Why did I just run into that woman?" Toshiya asked with a faint frown. Shinya sighed and bowed lightly to the landlord as he excused himself.

"She's a stubborn woman. You have to know she's doing it for what she thinks is right." Shinya's voice was quiet as he ushered Toshiya in. Toshiya was quiet for a moment as he took his shoes off.

"Does that justify hitting you?" Toshiya asked softly and Shinya gave a humorless laugh, though he didn't answer. "How does she know where you live?" Toshiya asked.

"Because of our relationship, it wouldn't make sense that she wouldn't know." Shinya spoke as if it was obvious. "Toshiya, is something wrong? You look irritated."

"I'm trying to figure out why you calmly tell me that it's okay for a strange woman to hit you twice." Toshiya replied frowning as he set the bag he was holding on the kitchen counter and leaned down to pick up Miyu who was sniffing his feet.

"She's my sister." Shinya chuckled slightly. "Rather, was my sister…my family's disowning me." Shinya turned to refill Miyu's water dish and missed Toshiya's sharp glance his way. "Anyway, you wanted my stove?" Shinya motioned to the steel appliance as Toshiya sighed slightly. Lightly scratching Miyu's head Toshiya stared at Shinya for a time before setting Miyu down and drawing Shinya into an embrace, ignoring Shinya's shock and his attempts to push Toshiya away. "What are you doing?" Shinya asked slightly agitated.

"I'm mauling you." Toshiya muttered before chuckling slightly.

"Are you mocking me?" Shinya asked and Toshiya frowned as he backed away.

"Why would I be mocking you? When have I ever mocked you?" Shinya stared at Toshiya and the bassist sighed. "_Okay_ I do mock you, but I'm not mocking you now"

"Why are you doing this?" Shinya asked as he angry tried to find something to do. "Touching me without asking and acting strange." Toshiya watched Shinya angrily pace his kitchen, for once not quite knowing what had angered Shinya. In the earlier days of Dir En Grey Toshiya could easily pin it down. Shinya paused as his anger died slightly as he saw a slightly upset but thoughtful look on Toshiya's face. Shinya stared as Toshiya dazed out frowning at himself. Shinya could feel sympathy rising up in him. "You really weren't mocking me?" Shinya asked quietly, and when Toshiya nodded as he glanced at Shinya. Shinya shifted self-consciously before silently unfolding Toshiya's folded arms and soundlessly setting his head on Toshiya's shoulder, happy for once at Toshiya's taller frame. Toshiya was still for the briefest minute before wrapping his arms back around Shinya. The drummer grasped lightly at Toshiya's shirt at the small of his back. Toshiya could feel something smarmy creep into his stomach as he felt Shinya start to shake. "I-I'm sorry." Shinya's voice as muffed by his shoulder though Toshiya could hear a slight hitch and hiccup. Toshiya sighed heavily and hugged Shinya tighter, picking up the drummer Toshiya was proud to say that he only had slight trouble walking with Shinya to the couch in the living room. The soft grey couch groaned slightly under them as he sat.

"Let it out Shin." Toshiya murmured, knowing how easily Shinya bottled things up rather than talk about them. Shinya looked up and Toshiya swallowed a lump as he saw short silvery glinting trails on Shinya's and his slightly red eyes. The unhappy suspicious look Shinya shot at him made Toshiya chuckle. "I'm not going to tease you, mock you, or humiliate you in any way. This'll stay between us. I promise." Shinya stared at him for a moment later before Shinya moved solidly on Toshiya's lap and curling up as Shinya let go of his control and harsh racking sobs scraped out of his throat. Toshiya was surprised by the force of the emotion racking Shinya and felt a small amount of guilt. It was surely Shinya's feeling's for him that caused the drummer so much anguish. Toshiya rubbed the back of Shinya's back and Shinya hiccupped as he tried to breathe. Shinya wasn't a messy crier, his nose didn't run, though his eyes puffed quickly. His face was pink and his brown eyes were a dark tormented almost black and his nose scrunched slightly with his brows. Toshiya noticed all of this when Shinya pulled away from him to fumble for tissues so his tears didn't ruin Toshiya's shirt. The light shirt Toshiya wore already had wrinkles from Shinya's tight grip. Toshiya pulled Shinya by the back of his neck to look at him. "I don't care." Toshiya set Shinya to press his forehead to his neck, a small hiccup came from Shinya as the intimate action renewed his misery as only those unaccustomed to it can do. Toshiya patiently rubbed Shinya's shoulders as Shinya pressed his heated face to Toshiya. Shinya let out years of frustration and every dark emotion without reserve. As seconds turned to minutes and minutes to nearing an hour before Shinya's quieted to soft hiccupping. Toshiya gave soft reassuring sounds as Shinya started to feel drained. When Shinya finally stopped hiccupping Toshiya smiled lightly as Shinya turned slightly and sat up, with his back to Toshiya Shinya knew the feeling that he wasn't as emotionally bare was false.

"Please don't have lied to me." Shinya muttered and Toshiya sighed. Having thought in the time Shinya was letting his pent up frustrations out. Toshiya turned Shinya, who was too tired to resist too much. As Toshiya tipped Shinya's downward face Shinya's heart sped up, wondering if he was going to be kissed. As all Toshiya did was smile and help Shinya stand the drummer felt something akin to disappointment. Toshiya caught the look as Shinya turned and smiled slightly. "I'm sorry about th-" Shinya jolted slightly as Toshiya clamped his left hand over Shinya's mouth. Toshiya chuckled slightly.

"Didn't I say to test out our feeling?" Toshiya reminded Shinya smiled faintly and nodded. "So don't say sorry." Toshiya turned slightly pink as Shinya smiled and turned to his kitchen, the thought of that having Shinya in his lap was almost too natural. "So it's about time to do a first date." Toshiya commented and Shinya turned to Toshiya before groaning. "What?"

"I made a large damp area on your shoulder. And there are massive wrinkles." Toshiya laughed at Shinya before gripping the back of his shirt and pulling it over his head. Toshiya turned the shirt in his hands and looked the grey fabric over, there was a darker patch on his shirt but Toshiya knew in the day's heat that the moisture would evaporate. Toshiya chuckled as Shinya turned slightly red and averted his eyes, the action hidden from Toshiya by his asymmetrical cut hair. Toshiya rumpled the fabric and put the shirt back on, the entire shirt was lightly wrinkled. Toshiya brushed the shirt slightly as he rearranged the shirt.

"Shinya…ah, how is it going with your family? Is everyone okay?" Kaoru asked, hoping he hadn't come across as rude, or even worse, if he came across as nervous.

"I have no idea what any of them are doing. It has been a month since Jinnah decided to ruin a practice." Shinya glanced back down at the note-sheet in front of him, for the newest song he was doing the music to Kyo's lyrics. And he could feel the stress like always.

"And you're okay with that?" Kaoru asked quietly, knowing how important keeping in touch with his family was to Shinya. Shinya paused in his notes on the lyrics. "I know your fa-"

"Has disowned me so they really aren't my family anymore are they?' Shinya asked rather stiffly and Kaoru closed his mouth knowing he was about to go too far.

"Shin, did you forget about lunch?" Toshiya asked as he opened the door to the room he knew Shinya was using for writing the music. Shinya and Kaoru glanced at Toshiya before Kaoru took the papers Shinya held from him and stepped back.

"Take a break; it'll stress you out less that way." Kaoru subtle hint and Shinya nodded taking Toshiya offered help putting on his jacket, the bassist teasing him like always about anything, though Shinya could begin to note an affectionate air that was hard to detect. As soon as they left the practice room Toshiya grinned at Shinya.

"Were you in _trouble_?" Toshiya teased bringing undue emphasis to the word. "Our darling _Shinya_?" Shinya pushed at the raven haired bassist until he hit the wall to his left, pressing the bassist there Shinya smirked. Toshiya blinked, something so unlike Shinya, normally calm composed and dignified, or even happy and playful, but never having the sadistic hedonistic gleam and sexual kind of smile.

"If I'm in trouble does that mean you'll spank me?" Shinya asked lowly and then smiled as Toshiya stuttered. "I won." Shinya laughed as he backed away from Toshiya who blinked confusedly. "Tease me and I'll tease you." Toshiya grinned and stood away from the wall, following Shinya as the air of playfulness dissipated. Toshiya frowned at his semi-secret lover, though they hadn't had any actual sexual acts, Toshiya was sure he was as close to any actual relationship Shinya had let himself have. Shinya pulled and manipulated Toshiya into an empty room, Toshiya stumbled slightly, always surprised at the strength held in the others body. Shinya, as soon as the door was closed, broke down. Toshiya sighed; he had hoped Kaoru wasn't asking about Shinya's family. Shinya sat on a chair he pulled away from a table. The empty meeting room was silent as Shinya gathered himself. Toshiya sighed.

"I'm going to maul you." Toshiya gathered Shinya into a hug, kneeling in front of the blond. Shinya accepted the embrace and set his forehead on Toshiya's shoulder closing his eyes. Toshiya knew Shinya was a private person, it didn't take the smartest of minds to know that, but Toshiya found himself wishing Shinya would accept him like this in a public setting. Though away from the band, there was the press. Toshiya pressed himself gently between Shinya's jean clad legs connecting their chests as he held Shinya tighter. 'Why not be my family?' Toshiya wanted to ask this, so badly that it burned in his mouth. But Shinya was one you had to watch your words, he took things to heart and not everyone can mean what they say.

Kyo head banged lightly to the music in his speakers, Shinya gripped Toshiya's hand next to his thigh on the seat between them with bone crushing intensity as Kyo sped up again to not miss a light. Die in the passenger seat laughed and whooped as Kyo sped around a corner, almost going up on two wheels. Toshiya glanced at Shinya's terror hardened face and at their hands and debated asking Kyo to slow down when the results of such driving was so… acceptable. The thought went out of Toshiya's head as a soft whimper left Shinya's throat as Kyo slammed on his breaks, everyone in the car slammed back into their seat and Toshiya immediately spoke up to the speed happy vocalist.

"Oi, Kyo, this isn't a race track!" Toshiya called loudly over the music. "Slow down!"

"Why?" Kyo shouted back and Toshiya glanced at Die and motioned with his head to Shinya. Die nodded and turned down the music slightly.

"Yeah imagine what Kaoru would do to us if we got in trouble." Die added and Kyo sighed. Slowing down Toshiya looked at Shinya as the drummer didn't let go of his hand, though the grip significantly loosened. "Hey, I want to drive!" Die shouted and Kyo laughed.

"Why should I let you drive?" Kyo asked and Die's face bloomed into a large grin.

"Because I'll let you see a tape featuring Kaoru and not that many clothes, cleaning a table." Kyo slowed down and pulled into the shoulder of the road looking Die over.

"Cleaning the table in which way?" Kyo asked and Toshiya laughed as Shinya smiled. If Die played the tape off right then Kyo would gladly hand the reins over.

"Let's just say there's a _reason_ he doesn't know it was taken." Bingo. Kyo almost launched himself out of the seat with a shout. As soon as he was out Die looked back and winked at the two and got himself out as he laughed at the bouncing vocalist.

"Come on come on!" Kyo shouted as he got in. Toshiya winced slightly at the volume and looked at Shinya, the youngest was looking out the window at the night scenery and Toshiya smiled rubbing his thumb along the flesh between Shinya's thumb and first finger. Die started driving, fast but not near the hell bent for death speed Kyo loved. Shinya relaxed as did Toshiya as the two in front started a conversation and proceeded to ignore the two in the back.

"Hey Shin." Toshiya murmured, the others not being able to hear him over the music. Shinya looked to the bassist and Toshiya kissed Shinya's cheek. Shinya frowned and was about to argue with Toshiya about decency before noticing neither of the two in the front had noticed. "Got to love chatterers." Toshiya murmured and Shinya smiled moving to rest against Toshiya's shoulder. "Why don't you do this more often?" Toshiya asked and Shinya shrugged against his shoulder before yawning heavily. "Tired?" Toshiya asked and Shinya nodded. "So take a nap, you know they won't be done driving for a while and our cars are back at the building." Shinya shook his head. "Too loud?" Toshiya asked and Shinya nodded. Toshiya reached into the bag next to him and lifted Shinya's head to slip headphones over Shinya's ears. The sound went down by half. Shinya jolted when Toshiya moved himself to rest against the door, undoing his seatbelt. Toshiya motioned Shinya over and Shinya frowned slightly before taking his seatbelt off as well and moved to curl up, it was uncomfortable, but not so much he couldn't relax. Toshiya shifted slightly and Shinya's discomfort was gone as Shinya curled on the seats, his body resting mainly in Toshi's lap. Toshiya watched Shinya sleep, his hair smoothed away from his head by the band of the headphones. Die looked back and locking eyes with Toshiya he smiled and took the longer way back to the building. Toshiya smiled and when Kyo leaned to see what Die had looked at, he raised his eyes at Shinya, who had in fact fallen asleep. He then looked over to Toshiya and grinned, turning back to the front. Die didn't slow for a speed bump and Shinya bounced on Toshiya's lap. Toshiya quickly grabbed Shinya as the drummer's eyes opened slightly Shinya opened his eyes to look at Toshiya glaring angrily at Die who Shinya could faintly hear saying he was sorry. Shinya's chest thumped painfully at the soft smile Toshiya gave him and he smiled faintly back before setting his head back down, trying to calm down. Toshiya noticed a small detachment in Shinya's smile and wondered at it before mentally shrugging; he would do the same after getting jolted awake.

As Die pulled into the parking lot of the building before killing the engine Shinya had fallen back asleep. Toshiya managed to get out, seeing as he was merely leaning against the door, without waking Shinya. Tossing his key's at Die who nodded Toshiya picked Shinya up and carried him to his car, opening the door for him Die started the car as Toshiya made sure Shinya was safely put in the passenger seat. Die quietly told Toshiya goodnight and the bassist nodded getting in his car himself and thanking Die. Driving to Shinya's house Toshiya kept the music soft and the ride smooth, knowing Shinya had hard times sleeping. When they reached Shinya's house Toshiya gently woke the drummer.

"Shinya." Toshiya murmured and Shinya's dark eyes opened sleepily. "You're home." Shinya stood as he yawned before walking to the first door of his apartments motioning Toshiya to follow sleepily. "Shin…?" Toshiya frowned but followed the drummer as he stuck his keys in his pocket. Shinya held the metal door open for Toshiya and sleepily walked to his room, not even checking if the bassist was following. Shinya opened his mailbox and walked up the stairs to his apartment checking for Toshiya by holding back his hand for Toshiya to take. Toshiya chuckled before doing so. Shinya stopped before his door and as Toshiya was slightly out of breath Shinya yawned swinging the door open, smiling through the yawn as Miyu barked excitedly at the door. Shinya let go of Toshiya and bent to pick up Miyu.

"Hey baby, did you miss me?" Toshiya wasn't ashamed of the irrational irritation and envy of the small dog as Shinya kissed the top of Miyu's head. "Brought dad home too." Toshiya flushed as Shinya named him the 'dad' of his pet, wondering if he called anyone else the dad. Miyu noticed Toshiya as Shinya set her down and Toshiya's turn to pick her up came.

"Hi Miyu." Toshiya purred, though he wasn't always an animal person, he found it hard to not like her. Miyu barked once and wriggled as Toshiya bent down to let her go. Shinya had disappeared into his kitchen and Toshiya soon followed after Miyu, who went running after her owner. "Shinya, she's coming." Toshiya warned noticing how quiet Miyu was on carpet.

"Thank you." Shinya called back though it seemed muffled. "Are you coming too?" Toshiya heard the question as he entered the kitchen, smiling he didn't reply wondering what Shinya would do. Shinya was in the fridge, getting out something to drink. As he didn't hear Toshiya's reply Shinya looked toward the entry with a worried look, quickly turning into an amused irritated. Toshiya just grinned, leaning off the jamb to sit at the small table.

"Just joking with you." Toshiya spoke quietly now that they were in the same room and smiled openly to the drummer. "Why wouldn't I follow you?" Toshiya asked as Shinya sat, handing him a drink. "I have to drive home." Toshiya reminded Shinya and the drummer shook his head. "Why don't I have to drive home?" Toshiya asked waiting until Shinya could talk.

"I want to sleep with you." Shinya had spoken so evenly Toshiya almost felt badly about choking on the drink. "Well, how else am I going to fully test it out like you told me to?" Shinya asked and Toshiya squirmed slightly. "Unless you want to do it quickly so you can still go home and sleep?" Toshiya didn't feel comfortable as Shinya turned his dark eyes to look him over.

"Are you teasing me?" Toshiya asked quietly and Shinya smiled, honestly smiled, a large grin that took over his face and warmed the room. "Shin-" Toshiya asked as the drummer stood though his voice cut off as Shinya turned his chair and sat on his lap. Shinya kissed him like he had in the hallway. Passionate but tempered by a fear, like Shinya expected Toshiya to push him away, Toshiya just moved his hands to support Shinya as he slowly kissed back as to not alarm the drummer. Toshiya after a moment felt guilt sweep through his mind and he sat Shinya back. "I'm sorry but I can't." Toshiya awkwardly rubbed at his neck before sighing.

"You don't want to have sex with me?" Shinya asked as he lightly held on the arm rests to keep himself balanced. Toshiya gulped slightly and shook his head.

"You have no idea how much I want to; I just don't want this relationship to be one of those relationships. Where after four months all that's left is small talk and meaningless sex." Shinya stared at Toshiya, astonished before grasping Toshiya's jaw and kissing him hard, the wariness gone in Shinya's kisses. "Shin-" Toshiya tried to speak but Shinya wouldn't let him.

"Please do it with me." Shinya spoke quieter than needed. "It's not to test this time I promise." Toshiya stared at the drummer before kissing the lips of the drummer gently.

"Are you sure Shinya?" Toshiya knew once Shinya gave him up they wouldn't be able to go back as friends. At least, Toshiya wouldn't be able to. Shinya nodded slowly.

"I don't have any family to threaten you if you hurt me, so," Shinya started in a joking tone to cover his hurt and nerves. Toshiya smiled in a lopsided grin.

"So be my family." Toshiya felt a slight relief from finally asking the question and Shinya's face flushed. "Please?" Toshiya felt somehow this would mean more to Shinya then the sex he wanted. "I won't ever toss you away." Toshiya leaned to kiss Shinya on the cheek as Shinya felt like crying again. Toshiya could see the drummer's answer even if the drummer couldn't say it. "Shinya?" Toshiya asked as the drummer hadn't spoken.

"Okay." Shinya kissed Toshiya again. "You incestuous freak." Shinya joked before looking to make sure Toshiya realized it was a joke.

"If I am so are you for wanting to sleep with me." Toshiya replied, keeping the mood light. And Shinya laughed as he shifted on Toshiya's lap.

"Everyone wants to sleep with you Toshi." Shinya joked and Toshiya shuddered.

"God, if that was true I'd never get any sleep." Toshiya replied.

"Don't like losing hours of sleep do you?" Shinya asked and Toshiya grinned.

"Only with you." Toshiya grinned at Shinya's sarcastic laughter.

"Oh so smooth." Shinya snipped sarcastically and kissed Toshiya's cheek. "So will you do me the favor of being incestuous with me?" Toshiya laughed as Shinya smiled. "No really." Shinya scooted closer and Toshiya chuckled.

"Do you really need to have sex with me to know about your feelings?" Toshiya asked.

"If I say yes will you shut up and have sex already?" Shinya asked slightly irritated and Toshiya raised a brow at the usually composed drummer. "I already know for sure how I feel." Toshiya smiled as he shifted so Shinya could sit more securely on his lap.

"Alright Shin. But not in the kitchen." Toshiya conceded and Shinya smiled.

Shinya jolted slightly in his sleep, the back of one of his feet kicking Toshiya. The bassist shifted to pull Shinya closer in his sleep and the drummer sank closer to his now lover.


End file.
